warning: mushy blog

 I am vury happy. My life couldn't be better, really. I have a lot of troubles but I only let them overcome me every once in awhile. Normally I'm very good at coping. I look on the bright side of things quite often. Or sometimes I'm able to ignore them... >.> Point being, things are good.

I spend everyday all day with my boyfriend. It's what I like to do; it's my favorite activity. Sue me.  I've been thinking of things lately and Tyler and I have been talking. I've never thought of Tyler as my best friend or anything. He's something far better. The connection we have is this devastingly powerful thing. Sometimes, I'm so completely overwhelmed by the force of it that I start to weep. I love this man so much. I know it's the cheesiest thing in the world but he's literally my other half. If there is such a thing as soul mates, he would be mine. We fit together perfectly in a way no other two human beings can achieve. We can do the most downright retarded things in front of each other and it's okay. We can say things to each other that no one else should know. We trust each other and we communicate well most of the time. (I will admit, we have our snags. Mostly due to me.) He enjoys being around me as much as I do him. He lets me win games in unobtrusive ways sometimes when he's feeling merciful. I wish people realized this more. Doesn't anybody get it? Why I'm with him and why I love him? Does no one have faith in my relationship? Doesn't anyone else believe it as strongly as I do; with all my might and faith?

You Are Spearmint Flavored Toothpaste

You are thoughtful about most things in life, and you tend to spend a lot of time alone just reflecting. You are a true introvert. You need your space and privacy to feel recharged. You savor your alone time, even when you're brushing your teeth. You live a slow pace of life, and you enjoy every moment more than most people. You stop to appreciate what you have. You are in touch with nature. Nothing makes you feel more at home than being outside without another human in sight.

People get abortions. The reasons are endless. Sometimes you're raped and you want to rid yourself of the reminder. Sometimes having the baby puts your life at risk and you have to make a decision. Sometimes you don't have a way to make a decent life for the child because you're poor or you're stretched to the limit as it is. Sometimes you have things you want to accomplish in your life which could not be done if you were to have a child. Or sometimes you're scared and you don't want your parents to know how bad you fucked up.

I understand that women have to do what they have to do. In Sex and the City, Carrie had a one night stand with a guy she just met and ended up pregnant. She decided to have an abortion. In the movie Knocked Up, Katherine Heigl's character does the same thing except she decides to keep her baby. She contacts the father and they decide to do it together and end up falling in love in the process. I'm not going to be one of those annoying people that point out that it can be done. I'm realistic enough to realize that while it does happen, that is not always the case. In Rescue Me, Janet gets pregnant and she doesn't know who the father is. It could be the father of her other three children or her new boyfriend. She decides to get an abortion because she believes having a child then is not the best thing for her or her family. My cousin Amy had an abortion. She is the sweetest thing ever and I was very surprised when I heard about it. When she escaped her abusive husband, she found out she was pregnant. She didn't want the reminder so she had it taken care of.

I believe that my underlying belief about abortion is simply this; Respect life. Respect the life you are extinguishing. It's when you disregard the life and call it just a fetus that I get angry. While it is just a fetus in the beginning, it grows. The fetus becomes the child. The child is the fetus. The fetus is the child. There are two people now, not just one. I don't believe it IS all about the woman. What about the other being inside her? Just because it isn't out yet doesn't mean it has no right. It's when people discount the child and worry only about the mother that it bothers me. This is exactly what my infuriating friend does. She claims that, "the woman is dehumanised to the point of simply being the backdrop to the pre-sentient life of a potential person. That, to me, is the essence of misogyny."

She's not dehumanised to me. I don't want to disrepect the woman carrying the child and I certainly don't hate her. I simply want her to respect the fact that she does indeed have ANOTHER HUMAN BEING INSIDE OF HER. I simply want her to be aware of what she is doing and what she is taking away from the world. If she decides that it still worth it or necessary after careful consideration then by all means, she should go ahead. If she does all of this, then I do not consider her selfish. She is simply looking out for herself and her best interests.

It's when that woman is like my friend that I get worked up. At this point, she is being selfish. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME. I can do whatever I want. I have a right to decide when I want to be a mother and that's not right now. It's not even a child right now it's just a bunch of cells. It's just downright disrespectful, I think. I just want that woman to recognize the fact that she is extinguishing a human life for the betterment of herself. That's all. I don't care if you decide to get rid of it so long as you respect it. Denying its existence and the experience for what it really is is what's wrong. And that's all I'm going to say.

Hi, you know who you are. I do like selling the drama actually. And some of your list was funny.

You Should Play Some Music

Part of what's stressing you out is that you can't stop thinking about your problems. Whenever you try to relax, you can't stop your mind from racing. The best thing you can do is crowd out your thoughts. And there's no easier way to do this than by cranking some music. Dancing is optional but highly recommended. Give yourself a break from your stress and really let loose. Or put on some of your old favorite music (happy music only though!). Sit back and remember what it was like not to be so overwhelmed.

I just bombed my math test. BOMBED IT. I'm not too upset though I know I should be. This could literally be the downfall of me and cause me to have to drop the class and thus lose my aid. So yeah. That kind of sucks but what else am I going to do? Good thing I was already prepared for the worst. I got used to not caring about scores a lot junior and senior year when my grades started to suffer. (I used to be a A/B student, believe it or not.) But yeah. Le gay.

Going now.

I rely on you because I can't rely on myself

 Hey everyone, what's up? Nothing is going on here. I am just up way past my bedtime. Like wow... Now I'm going to bed, me thinks.

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You Are A Thoughtful Idealist

You are scared of new experiences. It's hard for you to break outside of your comfort zone. You like to think that people are impressed by you. You know that you have a lot to offer. You are a very romantic person. You can't help but see the world as it should be. Right now, you feel very trapped in your life. You often feel like there is no way out of your rut. Overall, your life is very peaceful - if not a little solitary. Much of what goes on goes on in your head. You are extremely optimistic about the future. You feel like things are always getting better.